NoPhone: No Apps, No Problem?

Just when you thought they couldn’t jimmy the iPhone design anymore the NoPhone Team decides to throw their hat in the ring.

They’ve produced a revolutionary new concept for their product, one which they claim will alter the very future of smartphone function forever – a phone that does nothing at all.

Yes, you read that correctly. The NoPhone mimics the form factor of an iPhone 6, so it will likely feel friendly to Apple devotees, but will lighten the load considerably, and considerable tame your cell phone addiction. The NoPhone has no battery, requires no annual upgrades required to maintain its forefront position in the latest tech trends, and protects the data  you hold most dear from water damage or the unforgiving hardness of the ground.

Given their lofty sales pitch, it may seem like the NoPhone is the perfect streamlining solution to our oversaturated, tech-addled minds. But there is one lingering question for tech-heads: where are the mobile apps?

The Unexpected Virtue of NoPhone

I don’t care if it doesn’t have a touchscreen. I have to play Candy Crush and I have to play it every day. I also have to send daily notifications and invites to my friends about my witching-hour addiction to this game. And what about Vine? I can’t get my fix of hilarious 6-second comedy routines without a Retina or OLED display! I can’t inundate all my random acquaintances with the inane minutia of my day without the grace of Snapchat! Just what is so “smart” about this smartphone anyway?

“The NoPhone is a physical reminder of how excessively we use our phones and how often we scatter our focus two minutes at a time.”

Well, by having no actual technology you can actually utilize this as a great tool to increase productivity. The NoPhone is a physical reminder of how excessively we use our phones and how often we scatter our focus two minutes at a time. The NoPhone will help you use your real smartphone as, well, a real phone: to make or receive telephone calls.

To ease the transition, The NoPhone Team has graciously added a selfie upgrade option lending users the ability to whip out their NoPhone and snap a live, non-savable, non-shareable selfie with its front-facing mirror. It does reduces the selfie loading time to a mere fraction of a second, versus the 3 seconds it’d take to open the camera app, switch to the front-facing camera and shoot away. It’s got me waxing philosophical too: if a guy takes a selfie and there’s no service to upload it, does he actually take a selfie at all?

nophone selfie camera

My NoPhone also manages a slight height advantage over the iPhone 6, so it will be bigger than most of my friends’ phones. And bigger is always better, right?

There areother, more obvious advantages to the NoPhone too. Any vibrations you feel will most certainly be phantom. There will never be any annoying, impromptu beeps and obnoxious musical ringtones interrupting your most vital conversations with family or friends, or your arrival at home with your date. You’ll never need to get it fixed.

The best thing that the NoPhone has going for it, however, is the low investment required to obtain it. The base NoPhone is currently going for $12, while the model with the selfie upgrade is selling for $18.

Ultimately, the NoPhone does everything that the iPhone or Android smartphone does – except not at all. But what started as a parody actually has some merit to help maintain focus and increase overall productivity- in a way, this “smartphone” turns the table and makes the user smarter, for a change.

If you need a NoPhone to cure your phone addiction, check out their store here.

By On June 15, 2015