Donald’s first idea was to incentivize us with a hug for handing in our timesheets. He likes to be called Donald, never Don, and certainly not Donny, which ought to tell you everything you need to know about his management style: He has no clue whatsoever. When it comes to managing, he is literally prone to parroting whatever he sees on TV. (Our company got a unisex bathroom as soon as he saw it on Ally McBeal.)

Donald was the last to see those free-hugs videos when they went viral on YouTube and he somehow got the idea that a little love was the key to us getting our timesheets in every Friday. He sits near the door and when he saw one of us leaving he would run out to give us a hug and collect our timesheets. But of course nobody handed one in that day. I think his wife later explained things to him, because the hug offer didn’t appear again.

Nothing against Donald. We all work for him because he’s a brilliant developer and programmer. His ideas are great, but the success they’ve brought him has completely outpaced his ability to manage it. He tries, though. Every week is a new attempt to get us to fill in timesheets, because he’s convinced he can make us more efficient. Of course, we’re afraid that if it starts with time sheets he’ll soon be asking us to record our bowel movements. He can be funny that way.

After the hugs episode, the pendulum swung to the other extreme and he threatened not to pay anyone who didn’t hand in a timesheet. That worked on about half of “the corporation” (as he refers to us, even though we’re only 15 people). The other half took it as a challenge and didn’t hand them in just to see if he had the balls not to pay us. Of course he paid us. He’s a stick in the mud, for sure, but he’s certainly no fool.

A few of us have taken pity on him and tried to explain that the whole idea of timesheets on Friday is complete bullshit. Nobody (at least none of us) can remember on a Friday what we did on Monday morning at 10 a.m., so we just plug in eight hours a day, assigning them to the clients we worked for. Since Donald assigns the work, he knows who’s doing what, so I suppose he fills in the timesheets of those who forget or refuse.

I recognize Toggl is a fix for all that, but I don’t think he’s going to try it until he sees it on Ally McBeal. Can you arrange a product placement, perhaps? Is that show still running somewhere on cable?

At the author’s request, his name has been withheld to protect his job.